Well today has been pretty eventful. Josh Railey was my friend valentine and I got him a box of chocolates and some of my other friends some candies. It was fun. I kind of got sick in the bathroom after 6th hour and I'm not really sure why. I wasn't feeling too good.. Well, I know Valentines Day is not about the things you get and stuff but I was really hurt to find out that I didn't get anything today.. not from anyone. I mean, I got a little Valentine from Rylee Hughes (Which I loved) and one from Lacey at the party but I was just really hurt. I mean, I dunno. I guess I just dreamt of a boy bringing me roses and sweeping me off my feet.. but I knew that wasn't going to happen. I mean, there's only like three guys at Mingus that I'd ever consider dating... and i'm stuck in the friend zone with all three. They're fantastic and I enjoy hanging out with them and many other guys... I dunno I just wish I'd have at least one good valentines day before I end high school. And I only have one more chance... I'm such a lame-o.
I've been working with Devon Edwards for a while on this film we're doing and you know, lately I've just been realizing what a fantastic guy he is. I'm a little let down because we're both too busy to ever pursue anything...but when I told him how I felt (which I did today) he was super cool and nice and not weird about it at all. I just.. I dunno, It doesn't stop me from liking him and I just wish I could've known if he liked me too... even though I understand a relationship is completely far off and basically just not going to happen; at least not anytime soon. URGH! I'm just... gosh. He's my director and I don't know. It wouldn't end good and I think I'm just going to let it go. This is how I feel right now:
A creeper girl just a-creepin on everyone around me! I mean, I just miss the feeling of being wanted... being held when I'm sad... listened to when I just need to talk. "Just a friend" cannot do that for me. But I do not want to go 'looking' for love. If something is meant to be in my future, it will come towards me. For months, I haven't even THOUGHT about dating or being sad about being single. It's simple. I just... I dunno, I've been so lonely lately and the thought of going to Prom alone just.. Idk I really don't want to. My grandma is handmaking my dress and I just really want to look pretty for somebody... Many of my friends have boyfriends or at least somebody they like and I'm honestly just jealous. I wish I wasn't. I wish I could leave it be and forget all about stupid shit like that. Because I don't need a man to make me happy. I have enough stuff going on to last me a lifetime. But still, it wouldn't hurt to have a nice guy to hug or kiss after rehearsals. Catch my drift? I don't know. I'm done ranting though.
Rehearsal went great today, we blocked the first scene of the second act, "Public Enemy", "Let's Step Out", "Let's Misbehave" and "Blow Gabriel Blow." I guess tomorrow night we are performing Blow Gabe for some 8th graders parents in the big gym. Ugh I hope it doesn't suck.... a huge space like that, NOOO! Haha. So Thursday we are going to be finished blocking the entire play! How exciting! Now we just need to finish learning the rest of the dances and just polish up everything! I am sooo excited for tech week and just to get the set built and everything! It is going to be the most amazing experience of my life.. :)
Craig is still gone, I guess he's staying in Phoenix for a while to "get his head on straight" or basically to just drink his life away. Douchebag. Tina has been sad and it makes ME feel really horrible and maybe regret what I did and said just a little.... though it needed to be said. He needs to get better, because I can't live in a house like this, with fighting and a drunk/hungover guy taking care of my two year old sister. It's just not gonna happen, no way. URGH. I even have to miss school to babysit Hope, which I offered to do but still. Tina also needs to use my car to get to work. It's bullshit. He doesn't care about anyone but himself, that asshole. Whatever, I'm tired, So I'm gonna hit the sack. Night. :)
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