Valentines Day.

Well today has been pretty eventful. Josh Railey was my friend valentine and I got him a box of chocolates and some of my other friends some candies. It was fun. I kind of got sick in the bathroom after 6th hour and I'm not really sure why. I wasn't feeling too good.. Well, I know Valentines Day is not about the things you get and stuff but I was really hurt to find out that I didn't get anything today.. not from anyone. I mean, I got a little Valentine from Rylee Hughes (Which I loved) and one from Lacey at the party but I was just really hurt. I mean, I dunno. I guess I just dreamt of a boy bringing me roses and sweeping me off my feet.. but I knew that wasn't going to happen. I mean, there's only like three guys at Mingus that I'd ever consider dating... and i'm stuck in the friend zone with all three. They're fantastic and I enjoy hanging out with them and many other guys... I dunno I just wish I'd have at least one good valentines day before I end high school. And I only have one more chance... I'm such a lame-o.

I've been working with Devon Edwards for a while on this film we're doing and you know, lately I've just been realizing what a fantastic guy he is. I'm a little let down because we're both too busy to ever pursue anything...but when I told him how I felt (which I did today) he was super cool and nice and not weird about it at all. I just.. I dunno, It doesn't stop me from liking him and I just wish I could've known if he liked me too... even though I understand a relationship is completely far off and basically just not going to happen; at least not anytime soon. URGH! I'm just... gosh. He's my director and I don't know. It wouldn't end good and I think I'm just going to let it go. This is how I feel right now:

A creeper girl just a-creepin on everyone around me! I mean, I just miss the feeling of being wanted... being held when I'm sad... listened to when I just need to talk. "Just a friend" cannot do that for me. But I do not want to go 'looking' for love. If something is meant to be in my future, it will come towards me. For months, I haven't even THOUGHT about dating or being sad about being single. It's simple. I just... I dunno, I've been so lonely lately and the thought of going to Prom alone just.. Idk I really don't want to. My grandma is handmaking my dress and I just really want to look pretty for somebody... Many of my friends have boyfriends or at least somebody they like and I'm honestly just jealous. I wish I wasn't. I wish I could leave it be and forget all about stupid shit like that. Because I don't need a man to make me happy. I have enough stuff going on to last me a lifetime. But still, it wouldn't hurt to have a nice guy to hug or kiss after rehearsals. Catch my drift? I don't know. I'm done ranting though.

Rehearsal went great today, we blocked the first scene of the second act, "Public Enemy", "Let's Step Out", "Let's Misbehave" and "Blow Gabriel Blow." I guess tomorrow night we are performing Blow Gabe for some 8th graders parents in the big gym. Ugh I hope it doesn't suck.... a huge space like that, NOOO! Haha. So Thursday we are going to be finished blocking the entire play! How exciting! Now we just need to finish learning the rest of the dances and just polish up everything! I am sooo excited for tech week and just to get the set built and everything! It is going to be the most amazing experience of my life.. :)

Craig is still gone, I guess he's staying in Phoenix for a while to "get his head on straight" or basically to just drink his life away. Douchebag. Tina has been sad and it makes ME feel really horrible and maybe regret what I did and said just a little.... though it needed to be said. He needs to get better, because I can't live in a house like this, with fighting and a drunk/hungover guy taking care of my two year old sister. It's just not gonna happen, no way. URGH. I even have to miss school to babysit Hope, which I offered to do but still. Tina also needs to use my car to get to work. It's bullshit. He doesn't care about anyone but himself, that asshole. Whatever, I'm tired, So I'm gonna hit the sack. Night. :)

Valentines.. Eve?

Today is February 13th and it's 10:19 am. Last night, my step-dad Craig got all drunk (Like always) and started fighting with my little brother. I was in my bedroom watching the Lion King and trying to put my sister to sleep, so I stayed in there and didn't get involved. Then my mom walked out there and tried to dissipate the fight, and he begun fighting with her too. He then took his car and my dog (wtf) and drove to his friends house... drunk. Mind you, he's had 2 DUI's in the past and JUST LAST MONTH got his breathalizer thing removed from his car. So in other words, he's a freakin dumbass. That is when my mom came into my room and asked to borrow my car so she could drive down there. (The transmission is down in her car, and has been for months now). So she left and got him. He immediately walks in and starts screaming at my little brother, whose just watching tv. I can't stand it so I go out there and say, "Hey Nick, come here, I have to show you something." Because I wanted to get him away from my stepdad. I bring him in my room and after a few minutes of my mom and stepdad fighting, I tell Nick to go to his room and stay in there. I go lay back down in bed and just listen... they're out on the back porch and I can hear them perfectly. Things in my life have been going so fantastic lately that I didn't want to go out there and mess with the situation. But.... I kept getting this flash... this flash of Craig taking my baby sister Hope and driving with her in the car, drunk. And my mom not being able to stop him... at that thought, I was in tears. So I stood up and let it begin.

I walked out into the kitchen and opened the fridge. I saw a 6 pack of beer with 3 left in the thing. I pick them up and open the sliding door; I cut in and start yelling, "Craig! Look at this! *points to beer* THIS is what is making you like this! This is what is making you treat my mom and brother like crap!" So then, on impulse I take the beers and start throwing them at the cement right by us at the bottom of the stairs and beer splattered all over me but I didn't care. My mom kept telling me to stop but I couldn't... I couldn't let him talk to my family .. MY BLOOD like that. What if my sister had been awake? And had been in the middle of it? I could not have imagined what I would have done.. So he started throwing insults back at me like, "You're the most selfish girl I know" and "You don't care about anything besides you" etc. Which is probably going to stick with me for a long time because those are things I've been working on for the past couple of months. I can honestly sit here and say that I disagree. No, I may not treat my mom the way I should all the time but at least I don't get drunk every night and call her names! And at least I find passion within something in my life besides ALCOHOL!!!! Anyway, so we were yelling back at forth and he said something, I forgot what it was, but it just triggered this emotion in me... and I punched Craig. I started slapping him and pushing him and punching him in the face. He fell over his chair (Because he's a dumbass) and just kept throwing the same exact insults back at me over and over. I'm actually surprised the cops didn't come. I wish they would have. But then after some more fighting, he finally left. I hugged my mom and tried to comfort her and tell her kind words but it was so bad. Two days before Valentines day and this happens... of course, it's so like Craig. He's a jerk and doesn't deserve to live with us especially considering he brings home ZERO income and just uses all the hard-earned money from my mother to buy alcohol and cigarettes! URGH!

Kati Phelps in the raw.

Well my name is Kati Phelps and my best friend Lacey Anderson actually uses this website and showed it to me and I liked it, so I decided that I'd start using it too. Today is February 12, 2011 and I'm sitting on Lacey's bed on her laptop. She's upstairs with the boy she's crushin' on (Brian O'Connor) and they've basically just been flirting away for like three hours now. I love them to death but I really want to go home. I just wanted to come along for the ride; not to hangout in Rimrock all day. If I would have known that, I would not have come. I definitely feel like a third wheel, considering they haven't even noticed I'm gone... But whatever. 

I am seventeen years old and I was born on October 1, 1993. I have short brown hair, I'm 5'1 and I'm a tubby lil lady. I love theatre more than anything in the world and I'm actually a Sailor in the cast of "Anything Goes" by Cole Porter. We've been learning tap dancing for about 3 weeks now and it's just been a blast. I've made/strengthened so many friendships already and we're not even halfway through the experience yet! We open on April 1st and I really hope we get a lot of people to come! The show is fantastic and I am just in love with the music. Cole Porter = love.<3 I also am starring in Devon Edwards and Dakota Jones' film "Status" that we began filming last night for. We've been working on the script since October but many things had to be finalized. I'm playing a girl named Rachel Jones and she is bullied for her weight at school. She tries out for cheerleading and gets rejected. All the popular girls pick on her and the boy she likes is nice to her BUT; he's dating the head cheerleader. All the football players egg her house one night and she gets so upset that she actually swallows a bottle of pills and ends up dying in the hospital. The moral of the story is that high school DICK FACES can have huge influences on peoples lives, whether they know it or not. It's a wonderful message we are trying to send and I'm very excited for it. 

Well, I just learned some new things about Lacey by reading her blog and I am very hurt that she was dating Zack as of... December 17th? Because that was like, 2 weeks before I found out. AND she went on a date with him like a week before that? I know we are supposed to be past this and I don't want to be mad at her anymore but I just.. I'm so unbelievably hurt by her and I wish that I would have just never liked Zack. So then they could have been happily together. I don't know, I never ever want to fight with her again so I'm not going to make it a fight. I am just so disappointed that she could do that to me. Hurt me like that; betray me... I mean, she likes Brian right? I'm not going to chase him am I? Noooooooooo. Because that'd be fucked up. Whatever, I'm done, I love her so I'm just going to try to forget about it. It's in the past and I don't give a shit about Zack anymore so yeah! *Sticks tongue out angrily*

Last night, Ashley Knister hosted an awesome Valentines Day party at her house and it was great. John and I role played and were in character almost all night. The scene was that he was a boy named Johnny and I, well... I don't think I ever had an official name, but anyway and I was in love with him. We hooked up once at a party and I wanted more than just sex; a relationship. He was so funny because he totally rejected me like twenty times in front of everybody and they just thought it was the funniest thing. Especially Zeus, Shiloh and Charlie. Gosh. I chased him around screaming "Johnnnyyyyyyy... Come back Johnny I love you Johhhhhnnny!" haha. He pretended to strangle me and yeah lol. Then I drunkenly broke up with him and started hitting on Dakota Jones and he and I started "dating". "Johnny" got all jealous then raped me and Dakota saw and then dumped me. And this whole time I was pregnant. It was just the best night ever and it was soooo hilarious. I also taught Julian Johnson how to tap dance just a little bit (: He's a dancer and wanted to learn a bit! Yep yep yep. So that's just a little bit about my weekend so far. I'm going to film with Devon and Dakota and some other people today and tomorrow; if Brian will ever take me home haha. Bye (: